Dear Next Girlfriend,
It took me awhile to start writing this, but this post has been on my mind since I had my “Say Anything” moment back in January. I crashed and burned hard. In typical fashion after that happens I start analyzing everything and I do mean everything. From every conversation we have had and arguments to the fun times. I start evaluating what I did wrong and what could I have done better. This process is crazy because I am like a computer processor and I think about what was said in the way of why I am no longer needed or why this person just decided one day that they no longer wanted me in their life. So without further ado…
Dear Next Girlfriend,
I have a confession to make right off the bat, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I know, this may seem crazy but it is true. If you capture my attention and my heart I won’t be afraid to tell you. More than likely though, it will not be some random moment, it will be some epic grand gesture when I tell you about my love. More than likely I will be head over heels for you and you will never know it. I tend to jump in with both feet and reckless abandon.
So that brings me to my first point. I am a hopeless romantic in every sense of the word. Even though I detest that hallmark holiday they call valentines day, I typically love to go overboard just because I want to spoil my person. I will constantly be looking at you with a smirk on my face, I will tell you how beautiful I think you are, how amazing you are and how glad I am to have you around. This isn’t just a bunch of flub, but I am honest to God sincere. I am also a very affectionate person, so I will kiss your neck, grab your butt as I walk by and hug a lot. I won’t apologize for this. So if all of that is too much then I am more than likely not your person.
When I get into a relationship I want to know everything about you. Some of the best relationships I have had the other person was the same way. I want to know all the things, from your favorite flower to your favorite book or poem. The more I know, the more I know how to spoil you, how to make you smile and show you how I feel without words. So when I inquire about your shoe size don’t freak out! In return I hope you want to know all about me, my past, my present and my future. Just know I am very guarded about some things in my life and I am not a perfect person. I have secrets, if you ever know about them, then you are one of a handful of people that actually do. Not everyone gets the privilege of knowing the deep dark parts of me. So if you get there, just know you have reached a place which few have and thus what I am trying to stress here is how important to me you must be.
When I let you in, embrace it, understand how special you are and know you have obviously broken down the walls, I have all the feels and you are important to me. With that being said, just know you will become my best friend, I will tell you everything, I will not be able to wait to talk to you to tell you about my day good or bad. You will know about my business, my problems and I may ask for your advice on solutions. When I get down, depressed or just not feeling it and like a failure, I will hope you actually help me get out of my funk and not use it against me or as an excuse to break up with me. You may not know every detail in my head of why I chose to do certain things in certain ways, but know this, just about everything I do is very calculated and done with purpose. Hell I make lists for my lists, so if you think I am ignoring a problem or not facing it, just ask me.
One thing you need to know if you are going to be my girlfriend is that you need to have thick skin around me. I grew up being teased by my own family about just about everything. I am unfortunately the same way. I joke and have sarcasm like you would not believe. But please know this, if I am teasing you or picking on you…I FREAKING LIKE YOU! Don’t get all mad or pout, dish it back out to me! And for the love of God, don’t hold a grudge for something I said, if I genuinely hurt your feelings, then tell me, I am not an A-hole, I will apologize, because if you are worth it then a great relationship is much more important than who is right or wrong and pride.
Yes I am a sexual creature, I love sex, intimacy and kissing. I also send out a lot of sexual innuendos…pretty much anytime I can. So be prepared, if that turns you off, then I may not be the guy for you.
Speaking of joking and having a good time, you need to know that I am rarely serious. I joke around and live with a very carefree attitude. You might not find that attractive, but I love to travel, experience new things,
I am not into just hooking up, I want substance, I usually only date if I can see some kind of a future. Granted there are probably exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, I am looking for long term and someone I can see a future with.
I also have a list of criteria that you must pass:
- you must love motorcycles
- you must love to travel on motorcycles
- not get mad when I want to run or workout
- know that I love running races, particularly OCR races
- must love to adventure
- scuba diving
- downhill skiing
- dirt bikes or 4-wheeling
- rock climbing
- generally being active
- must want to have a family
- yes I want to be a dad, I understand most people I meet usually have children already, I still want my own, just know this.
- by saying all of that, I am not saying I need a biological child, I would love to adopt as well.
So by now you are probably thinking I am an odd duck or some anomaly, I can’t possibly be real right? Well I am a God Damn UNICORN! Yes I said it and let me explain further. Besides all of the above mentioned things, I also can do the following:
I clean, I can do laundry to include folding, I can iron clothes, I’m basically handy and above all…I love to cook! Boom I just blew your mind! I know you are asking, why is this even important? Well let me tell you why, because this will explain my need to fix things around the house, make the quality of living better, fold and do your laundry, wash dishes by hand and clean your place. I’m a helper, I know you can do it, but sometimes if life gets hard, complicated and you fall behind, I am more than happy to help out. That is my nature, it is what I do. If this annoys or aggravates you, then I am sorry in advance. I have a habit of finding or looking for things that need to be fixed and fixing them or finding ways to make your life just a little bit easier. So just let me or at least let me know if you don’t like my ideas and why, because I am ALWAYS right and I need a good convincing every once and a while.
So I am going to leave you with this little nugget. I am not from Texas originally, I lived in Michigan for 22-years but I have now lived in Texas for almost 23-years. I pretty much consider myself a Texan and more than that, I love living here. I love everything about this state, I am proud to live here and frankly, I don’t ever want to leave. I got my parents to retire here and life is good. With that being said, you need to know one thing, if you ever hear me say that I would actually move away from this state, just know that is a pretty serious statement. I mean, like for realz, don’t just take that lightly. You must be a pretty special person for me to say those words, many have tried and failed.
So do you have what it takes to be my next girlfriend? Well you know all about me and my odd quirks, so come on and say hello!